just give thanks...!

beberapa minggu ini capek banget, rasanya badan sudah hampir-hampir ga kuat, padahal mau exam...final exam lagi...pertempuran terakhir, tapi kok semangat kayaknya loyo...hehehe...

banyak pergumulan terjadi, kalau ngelihat wajah di cermin kayaknya serasa jadi lebih tua beberapa tahun karena kebanyakan mikir...hehehe...takuttttttttt...

masalah kerjaan terutama. menyita sebagian besar energi. mulai dari searching, siap2in portfolio-cover letter-resume, ngirimnya, ditelponin, interview (ini aja terbagi dari beberapa section lagi: mandi, keramas, make up, setrika baju, cari alamat kantor itu, pelajari web kantornya, dll), nego salary (yang paling bete kalu bener2 dikasi salary yang rendah banget...hiks).

anyway, aku mau tetep bersyukur, Tuhan sudah kasi kekuatan sampai pada hari ini. Seperti kata Maudy, He has guided me until today, He will always guide me in the future. Seperti di blognya bu Altre ditulis, Tuhan itu Allah dan sahabat kita, Dia yang menanamkan telinga, masakan tidak mendengar seruan kita, Dia yang menciptakan mata, masakan Dia tidak memandang kita yang memerlukanNya. All I have to do now, is to count my blessing, for remember that He will never leave me alone.

In good and bad time...just give thanks! Seperti dalam pergumulan Ayub, dia berkata pada istrinya, masakan kita hanya mau yang baik saja dari Tuhan dan menolak yang jelek. Sekarang mungkin belum waktunya buat aku mendapat yang terbaik dari Tuhan. Pasti akan datang waktunya dimana Dia menunjukkan yang terbaik buat aku. I lift my hope in You, Lord.

I want to give thanks for everything.
For the chances I got even I still don't get what is right.
For the daily living day by day.
For my health, friends and family.
For every single thing in my life...
I want to give thanks to You...

making decision in this life is not easy anyway...(1)

do you think it is easy to make a decision...if that is the decision for your life, for the WHOLE of your life...for me it is NOT EASY AT ALL!!!!

really not easy!!!

i even can't write anything now, although i have so many things inside my head even i have talked to san for 50 minutes! (this is really the first time he felt he needed to call me and let his pulse finished in one go) - thanks bun, i love you so much!... there are still a lot of ideas, conflicts in my mind.

one clue: this is about 'job hunting'.

i am going to finish my course this early of May. i need to quickly find a job.

why?

• i need to continue my life, paying room rental, food, transportation, etc.
• i need to pay back tuition fee loan.
• i want to give back to my parents
• i want to save some money for future needed (marriage, school, house?, car?)

what kind of job?

• it is suggested not to continue working in project management field. it leads you to be a leader, a project manager who manage and control.
• it is suggested to continue working as an architect who does drawing and detailing. it sounds more appropriate as a woman (who will be a wife also) to maintain a character of caring, documenting and detailing.

so, what's the problem?

• of course it is a problem! (maybe a problem for me who doesn't know what God exactly wants me to be, not realize where He is going to guide me...hikz)

to be continued...