What I always imagined before getting married is delivering my first baby with my mother besides me. Being the only daughter in the family makes me close to Mama and Papa. To both of them, I can share many things. When I want to talk about study or work, I would talk to Papa; when it is about other things, I would call Mama.
I guess Mama has the same dream, too; that is to be able to stay close to me when I need her help the most, especially giving birth to a baby is a first time experience for me.
When I was at Church with her, a friend's mother came over and said that she invited her mother to accompany her while she gave birth to her three children. She asked why I still wanted to born my baby in Busan. The most comfortable thing is to have your mother with you before, during and after the process. I almost couldn't hold my tears. Indeed, it is not my own will to go back to Busan and struggle by myself.
That's why Mama cried a lot when she had to leave me in the airport. I tried not to cry badly, but after she disappeared from my sight, I couldn't stand anymore. I cried deeply...
Before we took the decision, San has reminded me that God is always with us. Mama can't be here with me, but God is here with me. What I should ask for more if He is with me. It reminded me to the lyrics of Be Thou My Vision, translated into Indonesian:
Kaulah, ya Tuhan, Surya hidupku
Asal Kau ada yang lain tak perlu
Siang dan malam Engkau kukenang
Di hadiratMu jiwaku tenang
It doesn't mean that I don't need mother, father or husband; but it wants to remind me that God is my strength. Through this experience of life, God will make me stronger, a stronger mother for my baby and a stronger wife for supporting my husband.